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Dissecting the Five Languages of Love

Hugging, Love, Tradition
Dissecting the Five Languages of Love
on August, 22 2013

Children learn the language spoken by their parents, what’s usually called cradle language. We learn our mother tongue seemingly without any effort at all. At least, people agree that learning their native tongue did not give them as much difficulty as a second or third language that they acquire at a much later age.

There is another form of language that we learn though we’re not aware of it – it’s called emotional love language. This language is what people use in expressing their feelings to others. All of us have a primary love language inasmuch as we have a mother tongue.

Why is it important?

The need to be aware of what love language we speak becomes evident when relationships break down and eventually fail. We do not realize it but differences between our primary love language and that of our partner or spouse may contribute to relationship issues. We also communicate using love language with our family and friends. If we’re concerned about our relationship with our loved ones then it is imperative that we learn more about love languages. We might have to learn a second love language in order to make a relationship work, or at least understand how the people who matter to us communicate their feelings.

You can express love to others using the five languages of love:

1. Words of affirmation
Some of the most powerful means of expressing love are words of affirmation. A person whose love language consists of actual words or verbal compliments thrives most when they hear kind words and words of affection, especially “I love you.” Words of encouragement go a long way with this person. This same person would be sensitive to unkind words and insults, though.

2. Quality time with intimate conversations
For others, words are not as important as spending time together and being present for their loved ones. People whose love language leans more toward quality time are especially hurt when their loved ones don’t show up for dates and important occasions and when they do not get the attention that they think they deserve. Quality time with intimate conversations means the world to these people.

3. Thoughtfulness
There are people who speak a love language that is founded on gifts, more importantly the thoughtfulness behind the presents they receive. The gesture of kindness and affection give through gifts is enough to satisfy them, and they also express their love best by giving the perfect gifts for their friends, family, and their partners or spouses.

4. Acts of service
There is another means by which people show their love to others – acts of service. Easing the burden of others and taking on responsibilities on their behalf can be a powerful gesture of love and affection. Doing something, no matter how small the act of service is, and executed with a positive vibe is how the language of love is expressed by these people.

5. Physical touch
The last love language is physical touch. If this is your primary love language then you go about expressing how you feel with hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and hand holding. For people who express their feelings through touch, the actual presence of the loved one is crucial. They feel secure and comfortable with affectionate physical contact and these actions do more for them than words or other assurances.

There are many ways to express love while avoiding conflicts and feelings of resentment in any relationship. You might need to determine the love language of the people who matter to you and learn to be fluent in them.

Bernadine Racoma

Bernadine is a writer, researcher, professional and multi-awarded blogger and new media consultant. She brings with her a rich set of experience in the corporate world, as well as in the field of research and writing. Having taken early retirement after working as an international civil servant and traveling the world for 22 years, she has aggressively pursued her main interest in writing and research. You can also find Bernadine Racoma at .

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